Rules of Miroku
by Totally Wicked
Summary: Does anyone remember these rules from book 8? Miroku offers great advise to male singles! *Phase 3! COMPLETE!*
1. Phase 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Inu Yasha!

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Rules of Miroku

Phase 1: Follow Them Rules, Boy!

Author's Note:

Does everyone remember this stuff from the very end of book 8? Well, here's the whole list! Enjoy and tell me what you think!

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Rule #1: Let the woman calm down first.

Rule #2: Just because it's true doesn't mean you should say it. 

Rule #3: When you take her out, always say that she looks great. Stick to it. She might deny it, but if you agree with her… Ouch.

Rule #4: If she looks grouchy, ask her if she wants to go shopping. 

Rule #5: Women can't oppose cute things.

Rule #6: Always pay for the lady, unless you don't want to see her again.

Rule #7: Comfort her when she's crying. It'll be worth it.

Rule #8: Her big, buff father is meant to scare you.

Rule #9: Just because you're perverted doesn't mean she is.

Rule #10: Women are kick and slap harder than you think.

Rule #11: You are never 'too tired'. 

Rule #12: It's never her fault, unless you _really_ want a black eye.

Rule #13: Women are smarter than you think.

Rule #14: Don't lie to her. She'll find out.

Rule #15: Maybe she's lying to you, maybe she's not. 

Rule #16: If she is, prepare to be dumped.

Rule #17: PMS is a scary, _scary_ disease.

Rule #18: If she wants to go shopping, bring lots of cash.

Rule #19: The best pick-up lines are the _cheesiest_. 

Rule #20: Never, _ever_ get a fat lady angry. 

Rule #21: You better hope it's over when the fat lady sings.

Rule #22: If she asks you if she 'looks fat in this dress', 'no' is the best answer.

Rule #23: Her mother makes a big impression on her daughter.

Rule #24: If your ex-girlfriend shows up, don't kiss her. Actually, pretend not to even _know_ her.

Rule #25: If you read this and are male, you are in dire need of some serious love-life help. Call 1-800-NEED-A-CHILD-BEARER. 

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Yup! That's that! If you have anything more to add, review and tell me what! I'll gladly stand up to criticism. 


	2. Phase 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Inu Yasha and co. Many of these pieces of advice are also not mine.

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Rules of Miroku

Phase 2: Keep Listening, Boy!

Author's Note:

This _was_ going to be a one-shot, but people liked them so much, I had to continue! How could I resist nice reviews and happy people? Some of this advice is not mine. The ones that aren't have an asteroid (*) next to them! Enjoy, and as always, leave a review for me! SORRY YOU GUYS! I PUT CHAPTER 2 OF RED LANTERN INSTEAD OF THIS AND MIXED THEM UP! IM SOOOOOO SORRY!

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*Rule #26: A mad girlfriend is bad. A mad girlfriends mother and father is WORSE.

*Rule #27: If the girl act's shy then she a goddess in the sack!

*Rule #28: When a girl says, 'I like you', it doesn't mean she'll _always_ sleep with you.

*Rule #29: If she say's she want's to sleep with you, then you are dreaming and need to wake up before she notices that you fell asleep on the date.

Rule #30: If you pinch yourself and it hurts, meaning it's not a dream, then ask her how much she charges. You never know how much a whore charges. 

*Rule #31: It's _always_ OK... even when her runaway lawn mower ran over your foot.

*Rule #32: If, by some chance, you have angered her, NEVER ask if it's 'that time of month'.

*Rule #33: Condoms are a bad birthday present.

Rule #34: So are pads.

*Rule #35: The phrase 'women's work' is to be avoided.

*Rule #36: Women have eyes in the back of their heads. That means stop winking at the girl at the next table.

*Rule #37: 'Hey you' doesn't cut it.

Rule #38: When she says, 'Leave me alone', then _leave her alone_!

Rule #39: We all like breakfast in bed.

Rule #40: Don't treat her any worse than you would a goddess. 

Rule #41: Women are like teabags… You don't know how strong they are until you put them in hot water.

Rule #42: Don't start with her. You will not win. 

Rule #43: They don't take, 'No' for an answer. 

Rule #44: Don't nag a woman. That's _her_ job.

Rule #45: Sometimes, the old 'stretch, yawn, arm around her shoulder,' doesn't cut it.

Rule #46: Just because your friends laugh when you belch doesn't mean she will.

Rule #47: If you take her to a bar, don't get drunk. 

Rule #48: If you do, prepare to wake up in a hotel room with a woman you've never seen before.

Rule #49: If she tells you, 'Hey! I saw your ex-girlfriend yesterday, and she was really nice!', it's a test. Think carefully!

Rule #50: Just because she has guy friends doesn't mean they're her _boy_friends.

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Okay! That's about everything I have to babble! Have any ideas or pieces of advice, tell me them! 

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Response to Reviews:

FluffyWolfy: Thanks for thinking so and adding more to my list! The only reason that I didn't put the grope thing is because if you think about it, Miroku gropes too, so wouldn't he be going against his own advice? Thanks anyway!

A girl's advice: Thanks for the extra ones! The only reason that I didn't put the grope thing is because if you think about it, Miroku gropes too, so wouldn't he be going against his own advice? Lots of people wrote it down though. I loved all of them!

Fullfy FAn: Thanks! At first I thought it was a load of BS!

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Kaylana: WOW! Thanks for all the extra stuff! I loved them! 

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ChocoChocoChan: You think so? Thank you!

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Sky*Angeli: You know, your comment was the one that really made me want to continue! Thanks for the inspiration! 

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Fire Witch: Of course Inu Yasha should follow #24! I made it up thinking of him! LOL!


	3. Phase 3

Disclaimer: SHH! The lawyers don't know I'm stealing Inu Yasha and co.! 

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Rules of Miroku

Phase 3: Think You Got the Basics Down?

Author's Note:

I can't believe I'm writing more of this. But then again, I love the reviews people give me. I think this is going to be the last one. I think. Unless I have a great idea or something. I think I might do something like this, except advice for girls. Who knows? Review, please!

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Rule #51: Before going on a date, remember to brush your teeth.

Rule #52: Weight loss _is_ possible! You must remember that muscles are good!

Rule #53: Too much muscle is _bad_!

Rule #54: If attacked, don't run away screaming.

Rule #55: Yes, purple and orange clash together. There isn't anything that turns off a girl like ugly clothes.

Rule #56: Never question your sexuality near your girlfriend. (i.e.: Do you think I'm gay?)

Rule #57: Girls like guys that are possessive, but not overly jealous.

Rule #58: Never, _ever_ call her friend fat.

Rule #59: Or hot, for that matter.

Rule #60: Don't flirt with her friends! This is a major no-no and could get you landed in the hospital! 

Rule #61: Do not tell your girlfriend about your weird eating habits. Yeah, we know about the habit you have about eating chocolate-covered anchovies.

Rule #62: They do not care about football as much as you do.

Rule #63: When in Rome, do as Romans do. As in, don't act like a dork.

Rule #64: Drooling during a kiss is _nasty_!

Rule #65: Okay, so they like sensitive men. It doesn't mean they like it when you cry when watching the last half-hour of Titanic. (*sob*)

Rule #66: If your ruin her dress, either buy her a new one or give her a $200 gift card somewhere.

Rule #67: When she asks you to guess her weight, follow these directions: Guess her weight accurately, then subtract 10 pounds. Oh yeah! 

Rule #68: Three horny jokes per date. No more than that, understand? 

Rule #69: They like a _conversation_, meaning: don't act silent all the time or babble on forever!

Rule #70: The cocky attitude is cute, but everyone has to let their soft side show _once_ in a while!

Rule #71: Too much cursing is bad. As some people say, "Do you kiss your momma with that mouth?"

Rule #72: When she catches you staring at her, the best answer is something along the lines of this: "I was just thinking about how beautiful you look…"

Rule #73: Guys don't gossip… _period_! 

Rule #74: Make sure you don't just throw something on before a date!

Rule #75: We all like to SINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG! _NOT_!

For any additional help, you can reach us by phone or e-mail! For extreme cases, I, Miroku, may even meet you in person! Thank you! And _do_ say hello to my secretary, Nutty! (TW: *chuckles evilly* I love having this power! Bringing in my favorite little characters… If you don't know what I'm talking about, go read 'Yogurt Anyone?'.)

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Okay! This series is finished at last! Thanks for everything! Please review, people!

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Responses to Reviews:

Lady Zhanael Daiche: That's for sure! Miroku is always a gentleman! 

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